How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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