Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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