they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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