I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
