Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
