I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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