based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
