please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
