One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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