She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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