Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
