So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
