I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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