I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
