you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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