Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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