My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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