he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
