She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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