so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize