i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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