you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
