I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
