I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize