There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
