I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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