there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
