If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF