I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me