I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed