Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."