I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
