This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
