Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
