I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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