you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
