It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
