It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
