I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
