He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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