you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
