dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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