Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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