when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
