Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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