so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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