My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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