god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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