There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
