i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
