Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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