Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize