I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
