I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
