Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
