you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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