My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
