Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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