I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to align my fucking chakras
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