is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
