She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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