She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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