i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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