the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
