There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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