During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
