when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
