You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
