life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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