can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
