nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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