he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is wine microwaveable?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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