He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
