I'm eating all of the evidence.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i out mim tonsoeep
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