do herpes really smell.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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