he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
