Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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