i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
