I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
